This Recording

I have been alone always. I have never been attached to someone; I have never been part of a couple. A boy in high school once asked me out, and I refused, citing my religion as an impetus for singlehood. Boys in high school never asked me out, for they never noticed me. And beyond this being a point of pain for me, it was a type of twisted success. I attempted to be as invisible a teenager as I could be – standing out was asking for trouble. Being single was part of blending into the grey, blank walls. I stood by my locker when he asked me. He was nervous and jittery. I responded with broken sentences. Getting asked almost felt like a series of increasing pressures. I would not have known what to wear, what to say, how to act around him. Saying no was a relief. But for some reason, I cried on the way home on the bus.

1. monicalong likes this
2. katecalvert likes this
3. esquindo likes this
4. pinstripe reblogged this from thisrecording and added:

   A few days ago I realized I wa terrified of relationships, even just the idea of it. For someone who is surrounded by...

5. milkshake-n-honey likes this
6. thisrecording posted this